Au sommaire :
Les trolls :
- Troll's civilization revolves around rocks in genral. And hitting people with them in particular.
- He nodded to the troll which was employed by the Drum as a splatter [footnote: Like a bouncer, but trolls use more force].
Les nains :
- All dwarfs have beards and wear up to twelve layers of clothing. Gender is more or less optional.
- All dwarfs are by nature dutiful, serious, literate, obedient and thoughtful people whose only minor failing is a tendency, after one drink, to rush at enemies screaming "Arrrrrrgh!" and axing their legs off at the knee.
Les marchands :
- "You pay for it before you eat it? What happens if it's dreadful?"
- And then you bit onto them, and learned once again that Cut-me-own-Throat Dibbler could find a use for bits of an animal that the animal didn't know it had got. Dibbler had worked out that with enough fried onions and mustard people would eat *anything*.
- "The thing is that Mr. Dibbler can even sell sausages to people who have bought them off him *before*."
Now *that's* marketing
- Meat pies! Hot sausages! Inna bun! So fresh the pig h'an't noticed they're gone!
La magie et ses étudiants :
- "Students?" barked the Archchancellor."
"Yes, Master. You know? They're the thinner ones with the pale faces? Because we're a *university*? They come with the whole thing, like rats --"
- A Thaum is the basic unit of magical strength. It has been universally established as the amount of magic needed to create one small white pigeon or three normal sized billiard balls.
- "Students made it long ago," said Rincewind. "Handy way in and out after lights out."
"Ah," said Twoflower, "I *understand*. Over the wall and out to brightly-lit tavernas to drink and sing and recite poetry, yes?"
"Nearly right except for the singings and the poetry, yes," said Rincewind.
- The subject of wizards and sex is a complicated one, but as has already been indicated it does, in essence, boil down to this: when it comes to wine, women and song, wizards are allowed to get drunk and croon as much as they like.
- "I'm not going to ride on a magic carpet!" he hissed.
"I'm afraid of grounds."
"You mean heights," said Conina. "And stop being silly."
"I know what I mean! It's the grounds that kill you!"
- Any wizard bright enough to survive for five minutes was also bright enough to realise that if there was any power in demonology, then it lay with the demons. Using it for your own purposes would be like trying to beat mice to death with a rattlesnake. -- Why summoning demons is a Bad Idea
- Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.
- People who used magic without knowing what they were doing usually came to a sticky end. All over the entire room, sometimes.
- Bad spelling can be lethal. For example, the greedy Seriph of Al-Yabi was cursed by a badly-educated deity and for some days everything he touched turned to Glod, which happened to be the name of a small dwarf from a mountain community hundreds of miles away who found himself magically dragged to the kingdom and relentlessly duplicated. Some two thousand Glods later the spell wore off. These days, the people of Al-Yabi are renowned for being remarkably short and bad-tempered.
- Many an ancient lord's last words had been, "You can't kill me because I've got magic aaargh." -- Magic armour is not all it's cracked up to be.
- The students were staring at her in the manner of those who have heard of the species 'female' but have never expected to get this close to one.
- "It could be a torture chamber or a dungeon or a hideous pit or anything!"
"It's just a student's bedroom, sergeant."
- Verence would rather cut his own leg off than put a witch in prison, since it'd save trouble in the long run and probably be less painful.
- The chieftain had been turned into a pumpkin although, in accordance with the rules of universal humour, he still had his hat on.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards because a refusal often offends, I read somewhere.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, especially simian ones. They are not all that subtle.
- It was here that the thaum, hitherto believed to be the smallest possible particle of magic, was succesfully demonstrated to be made up of /resons/ (Lit.: 'Thing-ies') or reality fragments. Currently research indicates that each reson is itself made up of a combination of at least five 'flavours', known as 'up', 'down', 'sideways', 'sex appeal' and 'peppermint'.
Les alchimistes :
- Most alchemists were nervous, in any case; it came from not knowing what the crucible of bubbling stuff they were experimenting with was going to do next.
- By and large, the only skill the alchemists of Ankh-Morpork had discovered so far was the ability to turn gold into less gold.
- It was the sort of thing you expected in the Street of Alchemists. The neighbours *preferred* explosions, which were at least identifiable and soon over. They were better than the smells, which crept up on you.
- The Alchemist's Guild is opposite the Gambler's Guild. Usually. Sometimes it's above it, or below it, or falling in bits around it.
Les dieux et les prêtres :
-A number of religions in Ankh-Morpork still practiced human sacrifice, except that they didn't really need to practice any more because they had got so good at it.
- The trouble with being a god is that you've got no one to pray to.
- When you can flatten entire cities at a whim, a tendency towards quiet reflection and seeing-things-from-the-other-fellow's-point- of-view is seldom necessary.
- In fact, no gods anywhere play chess. They prefer simple, vicious games, where you Do Not Achieve Transcendence but Go Straight to Oblivion; a key to the understanding of all religion is that a god's idea of amusement is Snakes and Ladders with greased rungs.
- On nights such as these the gods, as has already been pointed out, play games other than chess with the fates of mortals and the thrones of kings. It is important to remember that they always cheat, right up to the end...
- The gods of the Disc have never bothered much about judging the souls of the dead, and so people only go to hell if that's where they believe, in their deepest heart, that they deserve to go. Which they won't do if they don't know about it. This explains why it is so important to shoot missionaries on sight.
- No-one would have believed, in the final years of the Century of the Fruitbat, that Discworld affairs were being watched keenly and impatiently by intelligences greater than Man's, or at least much nastier; that their affairs were being scrutinised and studied as a man with a three-day appetite might study the All-You-Can-Gobble-For-A-Dollar menu outside Harga's House of Ribs...
- he Yen Buddhists are the richest religious sect in the universe. They hold that the accumulation of money is a great evil and a burden to the soul. They therefore, regardless of personal hazard, see it as their unpleasant duty to acquire as much as possible in order to reduce the risk to innocent people.
- He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.
- The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valley in the lower Ramtops, have a passing-out test for a novice. He is taken into a room full of all types of clothing and asked: Yo, my son, which of these is the most stylish thing to wear? And the correct answer is: Hey, whatever I select.
- It is said that whosoever the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad. In fact, whosoever the gods wish to destroy, they first hand the equivalent of a stick with a fizzing fuse and Acme Dynamite Company written on the side. It's more interesting, and doesn't take so long.
- Most gods find it hard to walk and think at the same time.
- All holy piety in public, and all peeled grapes and self-indulgence in private.
- The figures looked more or less human. And they were engaged in religion. You could tell by the knives (it's not murder if you do it for a god).
Les touristes :
- "Let's just say that if complete and utter chaos was lightning, he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards'."
Rincewind discussing Twoflower
- Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant "idiot".
Quelques idées philosophiques :
- People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else."
- "I like the idea of democracy. You have to have someone everyone distrusts," said Brutha. "That way, everyone's happy."
- YOU HAVE PERHAPS HEARD THE PHRASE THAT HELL IS OTHER PEOPLE ?
"Yes. Yes, of course."
Death nodded. IN TIME, he said, YOU WILL LEARN THAT IT IS WRONG.
- "What's a philosopher ?" said Brutha.
"Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting," said a voice in his head.
- Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.
- Pets are always a great help in times of stress. And in times of starvation too, o'course.
- "He didn't take any notice!" whispered Tomjon. "A born critic," said the dwarf.
- Racism was not a problem on the Discworld, because -- what with trolls and dwarfs and so on -- speciesism was more interesting. Black and white lived in perfect harmony and ganged up on green.
-It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever," he said. "Have you thought of going into teaching?"
- I used to think that *I* was stupid, and then I met philosophers.
- There was not a lot that could be done to make Morpork a worse place. A direct hit by a meteorite, for example, would count as gentrification.
- "When a man is tired of Ankh-Morpork, he is tired of ankle-deep slurry."
- Poets have tried to describe Ankh-Morpork. They have failed. Perhaps it's the sheer zestful vitality of the place, or maybe it's just that a city with a million inhabitants and no sewers is rather robust for poets, who prefer daffodils and no wonder.
- Of course, Ankh-Morpork's citizens had always claimed that the river water was incredibly pure. Any water that had passed through so many kidneys, they reasoned, had to be very pure indeed.
- Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.
- He did of course sometimes have people horribly tortured to death, but this was considered to be perfectly acceptable behaviour for a civic ruler and generally approved of by the overhelming majority of citizens. [footnote: The overhelming majority of citizens being defined in this case as everyone not currently hanging upside down over a scorpion pit]
- FABRICATI DIEM, PVNC. -- The motto of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch
- No enemies had ever taken Ankh-Morpock. Well *technically* they had, quite often; the city welcomed free-spending barbarian invaders, but somehow the puzzled raiders found, after a few days, that they didn't own their horses any more, and within a couple of months they were just another minority group with its own graffiti and food shops.
- The river Ankh is probably the only river in the universe on which the investigators can chalk the outline of the corpse.
- People came to Ankh-Morpork to seek their fortune. Unfortunately, other people sought it too.
La science :
- They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.
Discworld scientists at work
- The only things known to go faster than ordinary light is monarchy, according to the philosopher Ly Tin Weedle. He reasoned like this: you can't have more than one king, and tradition demands that there is no gap between kings, so when a king dies the succession must therefore pass to the heir *instantaneously*. Presumably, he said, there must be some elementary particles -- kingons, or possibly queons -- that do this job, but of course succession sometimes fails if, in mid-flight, they strike an anti-particle, or republicon. His ambitious plans to use his discovery to send messages, involving the careful torturing of a small king in order to modulate the signal, were never fully expanded because, at that point, the bar closed.
- The vermine is a small black and white relative of the lemming, found in the cold Hublandish regions. Its skin is rare and highly valued, especially by the vermine itself; the selfish little bastard will do anything rather than let go of it.
- It was true about the time measurement as well. The Tezumen had realized long ago that everything was steadily getting worse and, having a terrible little-mindedness, had developed a complex system to keep track of how much worse each succeeding day was.
- "What're quantum mechanics?"
"I don't know. People who repair quantums, I suppose."
- Not matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.
- The shortest unit of time in the multiverse is the New York Second, defined as the period of time between the traffic lights turning green and the cab behind you honking.
- Natural selection saw to it that professional heroes who at a crucialmoment tended to ask themselves questions like "What is my purpose in life ?" very quickly lacked both.
- For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.